The Old Fears Creep Back

I'm having a hard time of things, lately.

Normally I can write something and finish it and share it and it's fine. I can take criticism, I can roll with the punches. It really does not bother me, hearing bad things about my work. Because I get it, I do: I'm an author, but I'm also a reviewer, so I understand the mindset of hating a book and ranting about it.

And I know that no matter what I do, no book I write, no matter how much I love it or how much anyone else loves it, is going to get bad reviews. So I should just write it.

But I'm also afraid.

A lot of the novels I've written are these happy, campy, entertaining books that don't take themselves too seriously and aren't all pretentiously artsy and deep. I have written books like that, don't get me wrong, but MOST of my books aren't like that. The thing is, right now I'm at a place in my writing where that's what I want it to write these fun entertaining books. Think Amanda Hocking or Rachel Hawkins; along those lines. But I also want to prove that I can do deep. That I can have moments of laugh-out-loud fun but still write stories that matter, stories with soul and emotion and that have something to say.

But for some reason it's not happening. The idea of writing just sounds so gross right now. I sit down to work and feel put-off and annoyed by it. I feel anxious and sort of depressed, which may be because I have anxiety and depression and am not on my medication right now, but may also not.

I don't know. I just need to have more confidence in myself. I need to sit down and just write and put everything out of my head, but I'm struggling with it.

It doesn't help that I want to work on so many different things. I think I've finally settled on a project today, a paranormal romance about faeries, and I'm excited about it, so hopefully I'll be able to just work through my frustrations by writing this manuscript. I recently finished the first draft of a novel about vampires that I want to publish, but it needs drastic editing that I'm not keen on doing right now. As in, rewrite the entire book editing.

Gah.

In other news, I've got no home internet. I've been sitting around reading and watching bad movies and doing nothing. My brother is in florida for two weeks, so having the house to myself all day is nice. And I've been spending a lot of time at my best friends house--I'm here right now, actually, listening to lorde and drinking mint tea while I write blog posts at 4 in the morning. So that's all good.

I hope I have something new to publish soon, and I do have some exciting shorter stories planned, so be on the lookout for news :)

The Face of Love is out in the world!

The face of love is out!

It's a literary short story and it's free on Smashwords here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/523496

I plan to focus on longer works now, mostly novels, though I do have some novellas planned. I hope you all enjoy The Face of Love, and if you do read it, please remember to add reviews on Smashwords and Goodreads: word of mouth is HUGE for indie authors.

New Releases Postponed

Hi guys!

So remember when I said I had a bunch of projects in the works? Yeah, well it kind of all fell through.

See, I got cut open, severed an artery and a tendon, and now I'm stuck in a stupid cast and can barely type. Not fun.

I'll be all healed up and back to work in a month and a half or so, but even then I'll just be writing, not publishing right away. My next planned release is a YA novella called Blood of Midnight that subverts genre tropes, but since I can't write right now I'm gonna have to push back release.

HOWEVER! Night of the Dragon is being re-released early next month! If you'd like a free copy of the book, email me at OliverUrban@mail.com and I'll send you a digital ARC!

So, I said today that I would post the cover for the Final Word this afternoon, so without further ado, here it is:

She wants the kiss. He wants the grade. They both want the final word.

I'm hoping for an early December release for this, but I'll post more info closer to the release date, like a full blurb and amazon links.

I'm back WITH A COVER REVEAL

Okay, I'm back. Hiatus over.

I'm going to be moving at a slower pace from now on, which means releases will be more spaced apart, but I'll usually release short stories in pairs. Rise of the Underlings and Reveries and Regrets are both looking at a late November, early December release right now, and after those have dropped, I'll be working on a new short story project, called 'The Final Word.'

I'll reveal the cover later this afternoon, so check back if you're interested!

Rise of the Underlings, cover reveal!

Lilac Jones book 2 just got it's cover!

Isn't it gorgeous? I love this model, she's perfect for Lilac, she captures her beauty, seriousness, and playfulness all at once. I also redid the font on book one to match:

Hiatus, why?

   So I haven't posted much in the past week and a half, and I promise I have a reason for that.

   I have been so sick the last week, I missed four days of school, along with a weekend spent in bed, coughing and sneezing and wanting to die, basically. Most of that time spent in bed feeling miserable and crying (this was a really bad flu, which I never get) was spent writing, and talking to my friends and family, and thinking things over.

   Which is why I made the decision to take a hiatus from publishing.

   It's holiday break right now, but the first day back to school I have a meeting, which is basically just a formality, about my switching school. I posted a lot early last year, just before the new years, about how I was applying to a learning center in my city, and I did get in. I've been at that center for a semester now, and the new school year just started. My original plan was to stay here for a semester and then leave, but I started school here this year to see if maybe I needed more time there to help myself, and the answer was a resounding no. I really feel like I'm ready to go back to my regular school, which is a lot larger and has way more students. I originally left because of anxiety, and it gave me the opportunity to take a break from everything but school and my anxiety and depression issues. I feel like I'm in a place now where I can handle going back, so that's what I'm doing, and I feel like it will be what I need.

   However, it's going to be hard. The school day is longer, there are more classes, and a lot more homework, and aside from that, I'm considering looking for a job. Basically, I'm about to be really busy. Since we're already a month into the semester, I'll have a lot of work to catch up on and studying to do, and also a lot of homework to focus on.

   I'm not taking a break from writing, just from publishing. I plan on publishing book 3 in the Dreamwalker trilogy, and books 2 and 3 in the Lilac Jones Adventures this month, wrapping up both those series. The books will all be available for free. I also hope to publish a new story, The Face of Love. Then I'll stop publishing new material and my internet presence as an author will go way down. I'll still be active online, just not talking about publishing or doing anything professional. I have to focus heavily on studying  and school and Japanese. This year and next year, grades eleven and twelve, those are what colleges and Universities really look at. If I want to study abroad in Uni, I have to work hard and dedicate myself to school.

   I also really need to focus on my writing, and with my health. I really have a lot of things that need to be prioritized over publishing right now.

   I'll post updates when new books become available through this month, and then my hiatus will officially begin.

  -Thanks for all the support, Kyle.